Consider your role in relation to the lived experience of others

Continuing this brief series of lessons on allyship, let’s turn our attention to a common ally phrase: “I know what it’s like to walk in their shoes.” No matter how close you are to someone of a marginalized identity, if you don’t share that lived experience, you will never really know what it’s like to exist as they do. 

I repeat - you will never really know what it’s like to exist as they do.

This applies if you’re a mother, father, sister, brother, friend, significant other, caregiver, teacher, etc. You may be close to it but please don’t speak as if you experience what someone else is going through. When you do that, you’re centering yourself and not the person you claim to support. Although it’s likely not your intention, you’re also diminishing what the true meaning of their experience is.

Practice awareness of your experience in relation to the lived experience of others. Proximity does not equal similarity. Be mindful of how you position yourself in the dialogue about that lived experience. Know that there is immense value in you expressing your support and responsibly advocating for the people you care about, and at the same time, consider the best ways to support without inadvertently alienating those same individuals. 

It may be worth having a discussion about how they would like to be supported. And in caring for yourself, consider seeking out a separate space for people navigating the same experience you’re having. These are significant nuances of allyship to embrace and explore.