Practice asking how you should be involved

It’s been a while but I’m back with a new challenge! My work in DEI puts me in many spaces with people of marginalized backgrounds as well as allies - those who are committed (walk the talk), those who are aspiring (desire to be but don’t know how), and those who are self-proclaimed (just talk the talk.) Those experiences have inspired me to kick off a brief series on lessons in allyship.

Lesson number one is to practice asking yourself how you should be involved. This is particularly for the aspiring and self-proclaimed allies. Sometimes people have the best intentions to show support but then they center themselves in spaces and discussions that were meant for the people who have already been marginalized. So what does this look like?

• Dominating discussions about a lived experience that YOU have not experienced personally.

• Turning moments for community into lessons to help you understand.

• Weighing in on decisions that don’t directly involve you.

A good ally is a self-aware ally. They know that centering themselves defeats the purpose and destroys the safety of the spaces they’re invited into. They know not to assume they deserve to be involved in every discussion or gathering. They don’t make their actions and involvement a bigger issue than the needs of the people they profess to support.

Support is appreciated but there is a right and a wrong way to do it. If you want to be sure your outcomes align with your intentions, take some time to think about how you’re showing up. If you have a close connection to the community you’d like to align to, talk with them and ask what welcomed support looks like. That sincere effort is more meaningful than any label you could give yourself.